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  • Ram 8:30 pm on August 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , indian humor, , , ,   

    You are watching 

    wowbadge

    “You are watching the news hour tonight, and with you is……………..” Click. Enough I thought. I shut off the TV and threw the remote on the bed. It was 11pm on August 14th, and the nation was waiting to hear the PM’s Independence Day speech the next day. “No news is good news”, I mumbled. The mindless chatter of spokesperson’s  from various party’s went on their usual daily grind, throwing daggers at one another. Wasn’t this a daily spectacle conducted by most of the TV channels? Gosh. What a waste of time!

    I switched on the FM radio to catch up with some late night melodies. From one idiot box to another music box, if I may call it. Nowadays melodies have been cast aside for the 11 clock slot, when the nation sleeps. I tried a few FM stations patiently and settled down for 97.2. The slow Tamil numbers from the 1980’s were like lullaby’s. I was half asleep….” Vikram. “Vikram”. A clear and bold female voice jolted me as I woke up and opened the door. To my surprise there was no one. I wondered, if it was the ” news effect”. I knew it. Seeing so many channels I felt a bit confused I thought. Again the voice “Vikram”… This time I knew the source. It was from the FM radio. I felt dizzy. I went close to the speaker and listened. ”

    The voice said ” Vikram, this is Mother India”. What ? I jumped. ” Yes, It’s me, Vikram, she said. Don’t you idiots know that this is the sixty-seventh year of our independence. I am fed up of seeing so many channels  showing the flag hoisting on independence day, year after year, state after state. All you guys just assemble and salute the flag for a day and then carry on to do your lousy work. It’s sixty-seven long years Vikram.  I thought you guys would take this wonderful country to a place of envy. You say you have so many cell phones, set-top boxes, TV sets, online shopping, so many new cars on the road. It’s of no use.

    I have chosen you Vikram, to voice my outburst. You are going to be my knight in shining armor. You will be bestowed with special powers from me. I am going to give you the power to implement policies, change the rule book, implement new ideas, build bridges, lay new roads, hmm.. you will be armed with all the knowledge to govern this beautiful country. You are the chosen one. So don’t waste time sleeping. Wake up to a new tomorrow and be ready to hear me everyday, same time, in the same FM channel. It’s Mother India broadcasting to you and only you. See you tomorrow

    I pinched himself. Ouch. It was real. What the sh…? Am I the chosen one. Out of so many millions. I safely unplugged the radio and kept it inside my desk, my hands shivering with excitement, waiting for 11 pm tomorrow.

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    This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

    Write Over the Weekend inspiration for this time

    It is the night of August 14th. You are sleeping peacefully until a lady, who identifies herself by the name of Mother India, wakes you up and starts talking. What does she talk to you? Come on, get your creative juices flowing, rack your brains and go crazy with your fantasies! We are awaiting best creative blogs from you! This time, make the WOW badge yours :)

     
  • Ram 3:08 pm on March 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , indian humor, , , ,   

    Students ! 

    Location – A remote countryside school for the aged in northern India.

    Synopsis – A new and young English teacher, Mr. Rahul arrives from Mumbai to teach a batch of twenty students between the age of sixty to seventy.

    Rahul : Good morning to all of you. This is my first day at this school. I understand that you are all very nice, good and obedient students. That’s what, Mr.Panicker, your correspondent told me. You have all been in this class for a month. So, let me begin by testing your knowledge. Hmm. Your name Sir. ” I am Pramod, Masterji “, he answered. OK Pramod, come here and write the word KNOWLEDGE on this board. ” Me, Me, Me. Masterji.” There was a chorus in the class, but Pramod ran faster with the chalk piece, towards the board.

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    He wrote a really big ” NOWLEDGE”, on it. Rahul laughed. So, where is the K, in the word. Pramod said ” Masterji, how can there be a K in this word. Not necessary. It is Nowledge. See ” Nonsense, Nomad, Naughty”. All these words have no K. Rahul got irritated and said ” Students, we can’t change the grammar according to our will. So don’t write your own grammar. This word begins with the letter K. Understand. The class shouted in unison. ” No, No. It is not correct. You are a cheater teacher. You don’t know English. Let’s do the same thing, what we did to Pandey.Come friends. ”

    They ran to Rahul, and turned him upside down and tied him on the ceiling fan. Rahul was pleading for help. His mobile rang, and he answered it with great difficulty. ” Help. Help. What? Are you waiting for me in the class. But I am already in a class in the town street. What? It’s on the north town street. Why didn’t you be clear. Then what class is this. Oh God!

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    This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

    This time we’re aiming at making it more creative! Your post must contain a text conversation ending with someone saying “k”.

    image – custardy.blogspot.com

     
  • Ram 10:55 pm on February 23, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , indian humor, indian music director, indian music industry, , ,   

    The Debut 

    Pyarelal was breaking his head, inside his air-conditioned recording studio. He had beads of perspiration running all over his forehead. Still, no magic was happening. He had exhausted all his ideas in the morning and sent the CD to his director Ajay Panicker, but,  Ajay did not pick a single tune from the CD.

    Guitar-HD-Wallpaper-36

    He normally would call his music director and chat over a glass of beer. But today, he played the CD at home, and found it useless. He called Pyarelal and used harsh words. No one talks to Pyarelal in that way since he was a ” name ” in the music industry and in business for nearly twenty years. Pyarelal felt miserable, because Ajay was a director with only three movies, but all of them were mega hits, and his value was sky-high now. Irritating him would be disastrous. He had worked with legends, but times have changed now, he thought. Melody was out. If the lyrics were understood and audible, then it would be much worse. The whole song should be disguised intelligently. The digital age. Ha. His mind was racing. He had one option and only one option. He pulled the second draw in his cabinet and pulled out a CD. The cover read ” Demo by Arjun”.

    He called Arjun at once. “Arjun. You must be happy to hear this. Your tune is going to be born, but,  I am ashamed to tell you this. The tune will be in my name.  The whole world will be listening to it. Arjun. Don’t lose heart. Your day will come and the world will know. Thanks for your CD, and thanks again for agreeing to keep it that way.” Pyarelal was now a relieved man. He knew this tune will go through. He felt guilty, but, the only solace being, the secret remained.

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     This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.  Image – stuffkit.com

     
  • Ram 4:03 pm on February 16, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , indian humor, objects coming to life, Pssst, , ,   

    Pssst 

    “First Aid Box. Check. Knife. Check. Spectacle Case. Check.”  OK fine. Got you all guys. Now, off we go. Pratap stored the items neatly in his backpack and ran to the privacy of his room. He made sure to bolt the door securely, and then switched on a single lamp. He opened the cupboard and took out a dark blue yoga mat and spread it neatly on the writing desk. He has done this before but today was going to be slightly different. He smiled for a while, and then opened the backpack and placed the first aid box, knife and the spectacle case on the mat, one by one.

    He then spoke softly. ” Guys, Come to LIFE. Come to LIFE……….” After a minute he could see the objects moving. Pratap was a psychic having a weird quality of conversing with any object. He claimed objects have life too. He tried to talk about this to his friends, but was ridiculed and laughed at, in College. After which he kept these experiments to himself. The first aid box was the jovial of the lot and whispered ” At your command Sir “. The knife and the spectacle case shouted in chorus ” At your command Sir “.

    hearingPratap was highly thrilled. ” OK, guys. Who do you think is the most important object among you. “Of course it’s me” said the first aid box.”I have everything inside me, in case of an emergency. “Ha Ha, you do. Do you?” said the knife. “Until I move an inch there won’t be any work for you, dumb box.” shouted the knife.

    ” Wait, Wait. What’s the fuss all about” said the spectacle case. He then whistled and said ” Come on baby”. Out came a pair of spectacles from the draw and climbed onto the table. Pratap was engrossed in hearing and watching this. ” So we are the most important here. Without us you cannot see a damn thing. ” Pratap was smiling again. ” Tak Tak”. Someone was knocking the bedroom door. Pratap shoved all the objects inside the backpack and rushed to open the door.

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    wowbadge

    image from http://www.hcplive.com   This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

    This time we’re aiming at making it more creative! You have to write a post starting with ‘First Aid Box. Check. Knife. Check. Spectacle Case. Check.’

     
  • Ram 1:36 pm on February 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: cadbury 5star contest, condition serious hai, condition serious hai contest, , indian, , , indian humor, , indiblogger.in, new cadbury 5 star latest ad 2014 - condition serious hai,   

    condition serious hai 

    “Where is your aunt’s place yaar. We are driving for an hour in Bangalore, seen all white houses except your aunt’s” said Vinod. “Pratima aunt’s house is so big and white, and they found such a place only at the outskirts of the city.” replied Prem.  You know something. She doesn’t invite every Tom, Dick and Harry to her place. This is just my second visit to her’s. Vinod looked amazed. So rich ? Yes da . I promised her that we would be staying only for a day to attend the rock concert.

    As our car entered the huge,white building, a grim-faced security guard asked us to wait. He clicked the intercom and murmured something. “Ok chalo” , he then waved us inside. We waited near the main entrance for a while. Then an attendant opened the door and stared at us for a minute. Vinod placed his right foot inside. ” Aaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeei” a loud shout erupted from the garage. Vinod was so startled that he nearly fell down. A servant came running with a door mat and placed it inside. Now the stone faced attendant, gestured us to come inside and sit down in the huge living room.

    I got hold of Vinod’s trembling hands and we both sat down at the exquisite Victorian leather sofa. Vinod tried to smile at the attendant. But no response. He was still staring at us from ten feet away. Vinod whispered ” Prem, this idiot here is so stiff. I think he needs a good laundry .”  ” Shut up and keep quiet” replied Prem.

    The attendant left the place and we both smiled and were relieved. But he was back in a minute, with a huge dog. He talked something in his ears and the dog started to sniff our two bags. It then moaned. The attendant, took it away immediately after that. ” What the *))))$%^^^^% “, shouted Vinod. “Are we checking into some hotel. Your aunt must be a crazy nut, I guess.” Prem gently tapped his shoulder asking him to keep quiet.

    images

    Two beautiful maids arrived with two glasses of water and offered it to us. ” But your aunt hires some real beauties da”. said Vinod. Prem stared at his friend and took a glass and started sipping. Vinod said No. The girls looked puzzled and stared at each other. They wouldn’t move an inch. They again offered the glass of water to Vinod. “No. Sorry I’m not thirsty.” The two maids started to look a bit nervous now, and Prem was wondering what was wrong. Meanwhile Vinod wanted to use the loo and asked for directions. He went to the guest room and relieved himself. He opened the door and was shocked. The two maids were standing with glasses of water. “No, please understand, I don’t want to drink, ” said Vinod. ” Sir, please drink. Mem Saab’s orders”. Vinod got irritated now. “Where is your MemSaab. We are seeing only servants, dogs and door mats. Ask her to come”.

    Hearing the commotion, Prem rushed to the room and tried to pacify his friend. Vinod, was very angry. I’m leaving da. Let’s go. I would rather stay on the platform in front of the concert ground, than roaming here. Prem was also in the same mood, but curiosity got the better of him. As they walked outside, Prem asked a gardener about the maids chasing them with water glasses. The gardener hesitated for a while and looked all around and turned his head in 360 degrees and then answered. ” Sir, Mem Saab told us, every visitor should drink water first, as they come inside the house. It removes evil eye. I mean ” Drishti. Understand. ”

    Vinod and Prem laughed together so loudly. “Prem. What an aunt you have da.” The gardener came running. Are you going Sir. Prem replied ” Tell Mem Saab that I will call her later”. They both looked at each other and started laughing again.

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    This post is written for #conditionserioushai contest held by Cadbury 5 star – Visit their Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/cadbury5star

    water-glass image –  http://www.123rf.com

     
  • Ram 5:30 pm on October 20, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , indian bride, indian english, indian humor, indian marriage, indian mother in law, Kanchivaram, paneer tikka, ,   

    The New Bride 

    Mom..Mom….Mamma where are you? Sankar went to the guest room, then to the terrace, but no sign of Mom. Then he went to the pooja room, and ” Ma, we have to be at the girls place at 7.30, and you are doing your usual bhajan. ” Vimala admired her most obedient son and went on a rewind mode. How the years flew so quickly?

    Sankar is now, all ready, to get married, and that too to a girl of her choice. How rare? Can such a thing happen these days? Krishnan and Vimala had given full freedom to Sankar. But they had placed a few conditions. He had to study mechanical engineering and the second one is, to marry a girl of their choice, and the third one , the bride had to be fluent in spoken english. They wanted to be on equal terms with Dinesh & family, their neighbors.

    Dinesh’s wife would always talk to her as if she just came out of the “White House”. Vimala now wanted to take revenge on her by bringing in a wonderful bride who can speak the language most perfectly, with good table manners, a girl, to show her eating skills with a fork and spoon. Vimala had tried all this, but failed miserably. Once, at a kitty party, Vimala tried hard to lift a paneer tikka  with a fork. The harder she tried, the paneer eluded her. Finally she managed to stab the paneer ruthlessly and lifted the fork, but the paneer flew past a few tables and landed on Geeta’s costly embroidered blouse. The whole party got into a laughing mode, and was news for the whole week.

    thebigfatindianwedding.com

    thebigfatindianwedding.com

    Krishnan, Vimala and Sankar landed at 7.35 pm, which was the chosen auspicious time to see the ” bride to be ” Kalpana. Sankar’s and Kalpana’s horoscopes matched perfectly and this function was a mere formality. Kalpana was dressed in a red Kanchivaram silk saree and walked towards Sankar’s parents and offered them steaming hot coffee. Vimala blessed her as she touched her feet. ” You look wonderful, Child” she said. Kalpana smiled shyly. By now Sankar was fidgety and wanted to speak to her and sensing this, Vimala gestured gracefully and gave permission to take Kalpana to the next room for a one to one chat.

    Sankar nervously sat down on the brown Victorian sofa and admired Kalpana. ” Thanks Kalpana, after our horoscopes matched I was waiting for this moment to speak to you. It took two long weeks. Hmm.  Kalpana, why so silent? Anything wrong?” Kalpana shook her head as if to say everything is ok. She opened her handbag and took out a piece of paper and handed it to Sankar. Sankar was confused. He read the note ” Sankar da, I’m in “mouna virath” today, yes that means I wont speak the whole day. It is a offering to God Shiva. And, I love you so much. All green lights – from Kalps.”

    4vector.com

    4vector.com

    Sankar came out of the room beaming with delight and showed a thumps up sign to his parents.

    Their marriage was a gala affair, and the reception was hosted in style. Since Mr. Krishnan was a well known industrialist the “who’s who” of Chennai attended the reception and Sankar’s proud parents were smiling throughout. Why not? They had a stunner of a bride, rather “neighbors envy, Sankar’s pride.”

    Sankar was inspecting the bedroom decorated with jasmine flowers. He was waiting for his better half. Kalpana came in softly, leaving behind her giggling cousins who were whispering softly to her ears. She pushed them away and closed the door. Then she ran and hugged Sankar. She said “Sankar da, please please forgive me, I know little little English only. Your mother giving tough time to my pappa, always speak English, think English. I fed up. That day I gave note to you written by sister. I told lie about “Mouna Virath”. I know only so small English. I also like hands ,no fork and spoon. Don’t hit me.”

    Sankar fainted on the bed, and woke up after some chill splashes of water drops. Kalpana was at kissable distance curiously looking at him.”OK Kalpana. If my Mom hears this tomorrow, we both will be leading our lives in the garage. So until things settle down, note down these words and always say them when she chats with you. Say chill, Auntie. Awesome Auntie.” Kalpana asked ” Why Sankar da, Chill Chill, it is only for cool drinks na. Why I say it?”

    Sankar raised his voice.” For you and your parents acting  I would have hung you in this ceiling fan. Don’t question me now. Just do as I say ” Kalpana replied” “OK, OK, Please don’t do anything to me”.

    By now, Sankar was tired of coaching Kalpana the whole night. He poured two glasses of water and gulped it down quickly. “Ignorance indeed is bliss, he thought to himself” and drifted to sleep.

    _______________________________________________________________________

    wowbadge

    This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. We give out a creative writing theme each weekend for Indian bloggers.

    Write Over the Weekend theme for this week

    This time you have to weave a post including, ‘Ignorance indeed is bliss, he/she thought to himself/herself.’

     
    • Anita 7:58 pm on October 20, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      It’s all about English-Vinglish! Imagine what poor Kalpana has to face when speaking to the neighbours! Sankar can introduce her to English-coaching through the Internet! 🙂

      Like

    • Amar Naik 4:23 am on October 21, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      for me ‘ignorance is bliss’ has happened lot of time when i was in chennai 😀 not knowing one language sometimes makes this weekly prompt come alive lot of time in real life.
      nice story.

      Like

    • Kalpana Solsi 10:52 pm on October 22, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      Poor girl. Good writing.

      Like

      • Ram 11:31 pm on October 22, 2013 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you Kalpana for your encouraging words.

        Like

    • Garima nag 3:28 pm on November 1, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      Beautiful Writing . True story of many girls . Here is Nomination for liebster Award for your blog . HAppy Diwali .

      http://www.sweetsharing.com/liebster-award/

      Like

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